Fasting Chronicles Day 13

Fasting Chronicles Day 13:

Started the day just lying in bed, conversing with the husband, about what else? How fasting makes us feel and that when you are in a long fast, you almost feel like you are in a world of your own. During this fast, I have not and am not getting together with friends, going out socially or anything which requires lengthy periods of concentration. It's not that my mind is not there, believe me, it is very much there, it is just that the energy required to do some of these is taxing. I get tired easily and I know to take care of myself, I need to do what I need to do for me. I have told my friends, and they all have understood.

Came downstairs to get some water and season the chicken for tomorrow night's dinner. My balsamic vinegar water routine came and went several days ago. I no longer have it and I just have plain water. Tossing the seasoned chicken took a bit of effort. I had to take a break. Something which I could do with no problem, now took effort. The bowl felt heavy, I felt winded and breathless. This was definitely a first. I quickly finished, and sat down. From now until I break my fast, I will be incorporating broth as part of my liquids. This decision was made by assessing how I am feeling and listening to my body and the signals it has been giving me. The signals have not been anything drastic or major, but subtle enough for me to listen.

One of the reasons for my fast, is that I will be starting training for competition soon and I do not want to have to work off fat while trying to gain muscle. For me, fasting is a simpler method of burning fat, plus, all the other added benefits I get from it. Fitness competing is fun. You get to be in the best shape of your life, you look fantastic, there is elegance and beauty, the outfits, walking on stage to show off weeks and months of hard work. If you are familiar with working out, you get to take your workouts to a whole new level. If you are new to working out, you get to test yourself, but either way, you get to see what you are made of. It creates discipline. Your eating habits change, your posture changes, you start to look and feel different and you see yourself in a whole new way. You are introduced to new ways and new tactics of gaining muscle. If you are using a personal trainer, hopefully, he is ethical enough to provide you with natural alternatives, if not, well, you might want to question his/her methods.

In addition to the glamour of fitness competing, there is another side that I find is not spoken a lot about in the industry. It's (what I call) the body effect and how one feels and sees their body after the competition is over and the stage lights go off. As a competitor, you get so used to seeing your body in a certain condition, that once that time is over, mentally, you want to keep that look and you feel that you can. Reality is, you can't. You cannot look offstage the way you did onstage. The look you have onstage is temporary, as you ate a certain way, took certain supplements and worked out a certain way to obtain that look. Your body is depleted of water, so your skin is tight, which makes your muscles pop, and can be easily seen on stage. Once water enters your body, your body fills out. In the mind however, you are thinking that you have undone all your hardwork. I have battled with this "body effect" for the last year, and believe me, it is a real shitty place to be. Although I knew that I was not "undoing" anything, after I ate, there would be this feeling of unending guilt. Imagine going through this after almost every meal. I even began sneaking food because I felt I was being judged. It's painful, but I have refused to continue to suffer. Did the competition cause this? No. I've always had this propensity. It started from when I was sixteen, became worse after my husband's diagnosis and fitness competing brought it to its climax. I told my husband what has been happening and I have made a vow to myself to end this. The husband has also made a commitment to help me. I have acknowledged that this is not anyway to live and having, children, especially daughters, I better develop a healthy relationship with food, so I can encourage and be an example to them.

Tonight, I had half a mug of mushroom broth. It went down well and I found it very satiating. The husband had some broth as well and the kids...well, they had burger and fries. My stomach has settled down tremendously. Water is my friend again and I have been drinking a lot of it. 

Mentally and spiritually, I am very clear. I feel good and strong, with the exception of low energy. My mind is working all the time. I find I am thinking about food a lot, not because I am hungry, but my fasts determine for me what it is I like to eat. My husband has concurred with that.

Settling in for the night with 80s shows like Hart to Hart and The Equalizer.

Day 14 is on its way. Wow!

Thank you for reading and as always, share your experiences.

MA.

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